Your Wedding – Your Day?
by Allison Whitehead

Some weddings consist of the bride and groom and two witnesses.  Others have an entourage of pageboys, bridesmaids, photographers, ushers, long lost relatives… you get the picture.

Most weddings fall somewhere in between these two extremes, but even smaller weddings can go out of control, as the bride and groom try to keep everyone in their respective families happy.

Does this sound familiar?

If it does, you’re not alone.  Most people worry about upsetting others with their wedding arrangements, but the most important thing to remember is that it’s your day – no one else’s.  In the long term it can be far better to put your foot down and make your feelings known (tactfully, of course), than to stay quiet and let other people take over, leading to arrangements you don’t like or want.

One friend who got married several years ago came up against her partner’s father who, being a deeply religious man, wanted them to get married in his church.  They were set on having the wedding in a registry office, and my friend was anxious not to let her day spiral out of control.

It took some courage, but she and her partner decided to tell his father their wishes, and they stood by them together.  It was, after all, their day and they wanted to get married in the way that would mean the most to them.

Compare this to the tale of another friend who got married just a few weeks ago.  She didn’t have a good relationship with her sister, and so she chose her best friend to be her bridesmaid.

Unfortunately, her mother didn’t like this and demanded that her sister should be bridesmaid.  Rightly or wrongly, my friend backed down… and on the day her bridesmaid was nowhere to be seen.  Instead of looking after the bride, she spent her time propping up the bar.

Her mother’s wishes were understandable, but it wasn’t her wedding day.  Neither was it her decision to make.  And as a result, the bride would have been better off having no bridesmaid at all.

The moral of these stories is clear.  If you want your wedding to be a day to remember – for all the right reasons – you and your partner need to sit down together and discuss what you both need and want.  It is then vital to present a united front during the planning stages, to ensure you both get the day of your dreams.

More and more people nowadays are choosing the easier option of getting married in secret, with just two witnesses in attendance, and telling everyone afterwards.  If you’re short on money and your wedding is becoming a logistical nightmare, you would be forgiven for thinking this is the easiest option.  My partner and I did just this when we got married, and we dreaded telling everyone afterwards in case anyone was offended at not having been invited.  Admittedly we surprised a few people, but without exception everyone was happy for us and delighted at the news.

But remember, however you choose to get married, it is just that – your choice, and no one else’s.  You will never be able to please everyone, but in reality there are only two people you need to make sure are happy with the day – and that’s you and your partner.